Sunday, September 02, 2007 @7:04 AM
its a long long time since i blogged. no mood i guess. these days something keeps bothering me. what is a friend? i can talk to strangers easily. but when i know them, its get harder and harder each time and soon we'll be just "hi, bye" friends. i thought that maybe i should just go into passive mood, and talk to those who approach me first. at least i wont be in a weird position of being silent when i'm out of questions.
this happened to me only recently, and i don't know how to change it! i hate myself this way. i don't really know how to joke with people, so they won't think i'm fun or something like that i guess. i was thinking also, about not caring about this part of me. i'm who i'm am, i guess people should just accept who i am?? i feel so passive suddenly, and adding on when people see me their first impression is that i'm a slim, tall, quiet girl? yeah.. that "helps" alot. i think i'm in a stage of loner now? in the past, i will never allow myself to be alone, cause i don't like it. but now, maybe just staying alone at home helps. its so peaceful like now. in the early sunday morning, where my dad went out to run and buy breakfast, and my mom and sis are still sleeping. these few days, i keep reminding myself to just forget about this thing, and be myself. but everytime i pass my friends in university and once in a while, it comes back to me again. i also realise that i'm judging people! and disliking them when i'm not comfortable or when i think she don't really treat me as friends. its only to one person, and i still smile and say hi when i see her. how fake is that! i can't believe i'm suddenly like this! what on earth is happening to me. it scares me, i know people have personality and i'm jealous that they have alot of people to talk to, or wants to talk to them. i guess i'm just nothing. a simple, common with anything will do girl. how entertaining can that be? or maybe we just don't click?
as i grow older, i feel that my thinking is changing. it bothers me alot! cause i don't want to change. so i don't know what on earth on happening to me. for the better or worst? guess i will only know it when i grow older. but people have the control in life! if i can, i would just want to stay with my friends in jc. may our friendship last forever. =)