Wednesday, September 05, 2007 @12:30 AM
i feel different
i'm bothered by stuffs
but i cant pinpoint what exactly it is
am i changing?
is my attitude changing?
do i feel that the world is against me?
is hard for me to even laugh innocently
i don't know what is going on
and i don't like it
what is wrong with me?
i keep feeling that people don't like me
why am i so bothered about what people feel about me
maybe i'm lacking of self confidence
i feel that people dislike me
or maybe just want to avoid me
or maybe i'm the one thats avoiding them instead
the one that slowly building a wall away from the rest
i'm not care free anymore
it hurts that i'm feeling this weird thing
i'm not happy anymore
and very bothered
i don't know whats wrong with me
and i want it to end
am i changing?
it scares me
i want to just sit down and study, in a quiet space where nobody can disturb me. but i guess, these kind of places can only be found in the middle of the night where everyone is sleeping. but then i'm trying to get good sleep and rest well which mean i have to sleep from 12 plus to the early morning at least. recently feeling tired easily. haiz. many people was telling me that jc would be the hardest point in life and after that uni would be a breeze. how wrong are these people! in my whole life, i have always depend on my last minute studies. and chionging the night before tests. however i doubt i will even pass if i do that now. suddenly, i became to see the need of consistant studying. to read the chapters before lecture and after that re reading it again. and to really understand what the textbook is talking about. however i don't think i can work, give tuition and do this at the same time. i don't want to compromise my studies for my friends. not that i have been going out alot recently. but time really passby. and i'm still lagged back. need to buck up fast i guess. haiz.
pris is now at a crossroad, which could very well affect her future. and i feel bad about it. i have this feeling that indirectly, i cause pris to end up like this. because in the first place i told her to follow her heart. and haiz.. i just feel guilty about it. she's suffering now, and i don't know how to lighten her burden. i'm quite useless right. haiz. i just hope she stays in nus. and hope she has sudden enlightenment on computing.
everything will work out in the end. when will the end be?